It's not easy, but I hope it's worth it.

3 is a magic number. Blind Melon sings a song by that name. In it, he sings a line that says:
"A man and a woman has a little baby. There were three in the family"

I miss it. I miss waking up and feeling ok. I don't miss him, but I so badly I miss having a family. I miss being able to see my daughter everyday, and being able to tuck her in at night, everynight. I miss her and all her favorite toys and her books. I miss being whole, all of us together. Having someone to come home too, i miss having a home. Skye's own cute room, my home I made whole and filled with memories. Memories of Skye's Childhood, all ripped apart suddenly and leaving this gaping wound right in my heart. I miss the normal but so often taken for granted number 3. 3 in a family. Us. I miss the little things.

I used to ease the pain, and ease the feelings that hurt so bad. Now that i'm clean, all those feelings hidden and pushed inside so, so deep inside are surfacing, all those feelings that were never fully felt are raw and sharp and it's more painful than i had ever thought it would be. They had to come out sometime. Gotta bite my lip and take it. How else will I ever get past it? It feels better than before. At least I feel something. Before I felt nothing.

I am a mess.
I want to get past this.
I want to get over this.
no...
I will get past this.
I have to get over this.

via ................................................................

a little song of encouragement
for me:



FAsTeR

I can't talk to you.

you think I'm lost inside my mind.

you're like an old tatoo. and I know you'll fade in time.

I'm not the girl you think you know.

I'm not the girl you waited for I'm not the one for you

just one thing left to do...

Why don't you let me be ?

I'm a million miles away
why don't you set me free

you don't treat me like you say

I wont tuck you in one last time
i'm takin back what is mine
for me,
i belong to me

Now I'm goin faster
you're goin backwards
you're gonna miss me when i'm gone
i'm goin faster I know what I'm after
I shoulda been after it all along
i'm going faster
i'm going
FASTER